Valuing Beauty: The Ugly Twin

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"Hey You, Mr. Short, Fat, Ugly Guy with Bad Hair... Quick, Pop in This Picture with Me”

Red Stripe Beer nailed this marketing concept... Read away & hopefully you will too.

Asking for Money and Dates

I’ve spent a lot of time recently doing two things.

1. Pitching Investors.
2. Cruising the Internet’s abundant resource of online dating sites.

Each one of these activities, as opposite as they may seem, are very similar in what it takes to succeed. Being successful is somewhat about trial and error. You realize what works, what doesn’t, and depending on your core competencies, you learn what you should never do. I boast that my greatest quality is the number of mistakes I’ve accumulated in my life. Now, I’m not a habitual loser; eventually, I always end up on top. There simply isn't a "how-to" manual or treasure map of the path to success in most of life's meaningful pursuits. If I were much older I'd say I was wise. I'm not, so I'll just stick with the fact that I try to learn and teach others from my mistakes.

Last week I had one of those eye opener’s during an investor pitch. While delivering our message, I realized how many darts I was throwing that weren't even hitting the board.

The Standard Questions

When speaking to investors, undoubtedly you will hear these questions:

1. Who are your competitors?
2. How much competition is there?
3. What makes you different than your competition?

I had a response typical of most entrepreneurs. We all believe that we are one of a kind, and I'm no different. We are inventive, we innovate, we work hard, we think we're more industrious than most of the competition. So when asked these questions I would say: “We are different. Honestly, we don’t have a lot of competition. We are the only ones who do XYZ with our widgets." The response, while somewhat valid, didn’t really answer my investors' questions. More importantly, I wasn’t communicating how bad ass I a really am.

With nothing to compare to, how do you know something is just that good?

Where I Went Wrong

A little about the credit card industry: I am in one of the most competitive marketplaces that exists. We provide merchant services, which consists of merchant accounts, gift cards, and credit card machines to small and midsized business. Our industry is extremely attractive because of residual income. Every time someone swipes a credit card, we make money. It’s genius.

Naturally, everyone and their mother that discovers the credit card business begins to dream of the holy grail: money for doing nothing. So here they come, wide eyed dreamers pouring into the credit card business ready to realize the American dream, singing a Dire Straights hit from 1985..."Money for nothin' and your chicks for free... Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it".

There is a common joke in our office that describes most of our competition’s marketing strategies.

“Yup, those guys are working the MCI Friends and Family Plan… You know, when the guy who was paving driveways last week is now a credit card "expert", calls his uncle who owns a sandwich shop and his college buddy who has a sporting goods store to race over and sign em’ up…. Got it? The MCI Friends and Family Plan..”

After signing up their first 3 customers, messing up 8 days of credit card transactions in their friends' businesses, and looking like a complete idiot because of the complexity of the business, the new found grail seeker say’s, “man, that really sucked, but it was worth it, here comes the money…”

Approximately 90 days later, the magical residual payday hits.. He jumps on his computer, pops open the long awaited residual report, and sees a whopping $87.32 in his account. A week later, his buddy switches back to his previous provider because his terminal still isn’t working correctly, and his other account has called him 15 times for service issues. Needless to say, 30 days later, Mom is now back to volunteering at Walmart and the Paving Engineer is back slinging asphalt.

A Statement That Couldn’t be Further From the Truth

“We do things differently… We don’t really have any competition.”

A Restless CEO

After about my 3rd road show pitch, I was a bit frustrated. We were fully prepared. We have been following my fortune 500 CFO’s agenda for us to cover point by point. I usually thrive on the opportunity to speak and get energized by an attempt to tell someone how great I am. Given the opportunity to speak, I captivate, entertain, and excite an audience. I have as much fun if not more than my audience. However in this case, by the end of the third pitch, I was feeling completely exhausted, run down, and unfulfilled. Things weren’t exactly working the way I'm accustomed to. I'm guessing my potential investors were feeling just as frustrated.

I don’t have a lot of patience. I say that very abruptly, because I don't have a whole lot of patience. I usually throw a temper tantrum if things don't go my way.

We began our 4th pitch, we started down the same song and dance. My CFO nailed the extreme detail to which we understand our marketplace, our niche, target customer, and how fundamentally sound of an offering we have. Then, like clockwork, came the three magic questions.

1. Who are your competitors?
2. How much competition is there?
3. What makes you different than your competition?

As my CFO began to dive into more market data, I couldn’t sit still any longer. I blurted out as confidently as a CEO can make a statement,

“To better answer your question on competition and what makes me different than the competition, I’ll make it simple. We have tons… We have so much competition it’s crazy. So if you are looking for market data, roll with this: Take whatever competition you think exists and multiply it by about 100. As to what makes me different. I'm just that good. When I say our core competency is sales, I mean we make it rain. You know when you walk into a bar, and there's that one really hot girl in a sea of mediocrity? Yeah, I’m her…”

I went on to explain how professional our reps look, their 5 weeks of training, the custom software they use to do analysis, etc, etc, etc.... My blood was pumping and the crowd was cheering. I grabbed their ear and their heads started bobbing like they were in a Snoop Dog video.

My "rap" game in a pressure situation is nothing short of B-Rabbit in the movie 8 Mile. In my prior three meetings, I had taken a back seat my numbers guy. But finally, my impatience reinforced what I knew all along, crowds come to the show to see you perform, not to analyze your lyrics.

Two weeks later we received a letter of intent from this group not only to invest in the company, but to take it a step further and take our company public.

The Ugly Twin

You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with online dating. I’m not sure if you’ve checked out an online dating site recently, but there is more competition in that female, made to order catalogue, than there is on eBay. I’m a member of a rather exclusive website catering to successful professionals between the ages of 25-40. Yeah, believe it or not, real people really do this. I have met a few women through electronic commerce. While there were no love connections, I’ve made some good friends and met amazing people that would have otherwise gotten lost in the shuffle at happy hour.

Shortly after the exchange with the investors and seeing how my outburst won over their hearts, I came across a page of a girl named Katheryn. She was adorable. Without describing my weaknesses, she met all of my surface criteria. I clicked through to check out her profile, and immediately saw three picutures of her and her identical twin sister. Well, almost identical. She forgot to mention in her profile that her twin sister was way hotter than she was.

Yes, I’m shallow. I didn’t send a message because somehow she just didn’t seem that attractive anymore. Can I really be the guy who dates the ugly twin? Can you?

Valuing Beauty – The Secret to My Company Success

So what happened to Katheryn? Quick Lesson – Don’t post pictures with your friends on the internet trying to get dates if your friends are that are much better looking than you are. You are more likely to get a message asking if your friend is single than obtaining any new love prospect.

This is the same fundamental mistake, in a bit of opposite direction, I was making in my investor pitch. No, I didn't bring a sexier company with me to the pitch, but I hadn't done anything to make us attractive and sexy. Great numbers are like a girl with a great personality. Nobody dates the girl with just a great personality. You want the hot girl first and foremost, and if she happens to have a great personality, then you marry her.

Like I said to our investors, our core competency is sales... we make it rain. Our close ratio is 35% on a first appointment. We accomplish this solely by leveraging the fact that our competition appears completely incompetent, and every detail of our sales process screams professional, cutting edge, and competent. By the time we are done with a sales presenation, our prospects are nodding their head and looking for a pen. We create a truly, “be a part of something special” experience that they truly appreciate.

Dating, like sales, is trying to establish a dominance of beauty relative to your competion. A person, a sale, a touchdown pass, artwork, and even a sunny day, can be perceived as beautiful or ugly. And while Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder, but there are some things we all just know are ugly.

If your target market doesn’t have an experience of true ugly to reference, how could your target market have any idea what they want or how beautiful you really are?

My company succeeds because we just look that much better than the next guy. Like Apple vs. Dell, our products are basically the same, but you just feel that much better buying from us.
Dating and pitching investors in no different. If you are going to sit on the shelf next to your competition, you’d better spend as much time on your personal brand as you do the widget in your busienss. You may want to rethink who your best friend is, or at least who you take photos with.

By the way, I have a new best friend... he's a little better looking that I'd hoped, but he's Picasso with Photoshop.

Fear Insurance Now on Sale

Fear Insurance: How a couple of guys got rich by selling bomb shelters and why I love this economy! By Nathan J. Reis

Just after the banking crisis hit in October of 2008, everyone thought the world was coming to an end. As the crisis peaked, our sales staff of 60 people started hearing a new objection from the field, and nobody knew how to handle it. Now my world was coming to an end...

On a quick conference call with 10 of our best salespeople the feedback was the same. Prospects were saying, "I don't want to do anything because the economy is bad..." I honestly sat bewildered. My company is in the credit card processing business. While we offer great service and a slew of added benefits, our basic value proposition boils down to saving a merchant 20-30% of the cost of accepting credit cards. In a bad economy, wouldn't everybody want to save money? This crisis was made to order for our business and we should have been gobbling up market share. So again, I sat bewildered as my prospects sat on their collective hands immobilized by fear.

"If the economy is bad, doesn't the logical person want to save money?"

Finally, a light bulb went off in my head... I remembered the old "duck and cover" service announcements produced at the height of the 1950's cold war and saw a parallel to the current financial meltdown. You probably remember seeing these announcements... except for the blinding flash of light and footage of nuclear explosions, the message was almost comical by the time I saw them in middle school in the 1980's. School children see a huge mushroom cloud out of their classroom window, and the announcer tells us that preparation is the key to being safe in the event of a nuclear explosion. You just need to know to "duck and cover" in place, and make sure to cover the back of your neck.



Now, I'm not a nuclear engineer, but from what I gather, if I see a bright flash and a plume of nuclear death headed my way, the only thing I'm going to see next is the High Almighty. No amount of "ducking and covering" is going to make the rest of the week turn out okay. I understood this when I was 13 in the 1980's, and I'm guessing people in the 50's and 60's understood it too. But, they were scared, and more importantly, they felt helpless against the threat of a nuclear attack.

As ridiculous as they were in hindsight, the "Duck and Cover" announcements restored a little bit of our sense of control. There was something we could do, and everything would be alright. But then, along came a couple of marketing geniuses.

I saw evidence of this genius when I was growing up in rural Wisconsin. We had a concrete igloo in our backyard. I did a little digging and it turned out a few of my friends had Igloo's at their places too. Growing up I thought it was the coolest thing. All the kids had their own little forts, and we could play Eskimo, G.I. Joe, and whatever else was cool at the time. It wasn't until I saw the "Duck and Cover" announcements that I realized my Igloo wasn't for playing G.I. Joe, it was a bomb shelter for the day Armageddon came.

Now, I mentioned before that I'm not a nuclear engineer, but in the event of a nuclear war, that thing in my backyard growing up might as well have been an igloo. The last thing I want to do is try to avoid the grim reaper by cooking myself in a concrete oven, and then wake up the next day to nuclear fall out followed by a slow death by radiation poisoning...

And that brings us to today. The past year hasn't been much different than the 1950's nuclear threat. If you watch the news or read a paper, you'd think the world has come to an end. Our economy is on the brink of disaster, we're in a recession, everybody's home is being foreclosed... And people are immobilized by fear because they don't know what to do and how to regain control.

So I asked myself, "Were these Igloo guys really selling bomb shelters, or were they selling something else?".

People weren't buying shelter, they were buying "Fear Insurance"... Buy this, and you don't have to be scared anymore... I repeat, "Buy _________ and you don't have to be scared anymore..."

After telling this story I asked one of my sales reps to please help me with a rebuttal to our prospects fears. He blurted out "So, we're throwing in a bomb shelters with every credit card machine... How does that work?"

His line earned him a chuckle, but it's closer to this: "I'm calling you today because of the recent financial crisis. Purchase my widget, and you are taking the best steps available to insure yourself against these unpredictable times. Great businesses take decisive action in a crisis, and now is the time to take action."

Just Say "No". The Day it Began to Rain...

by Nathan Reis

Just say "No". We have all heard that before. No, this post is not an advertisement for the DARE chapter in the local middle school.

Just Say "No" - The day I really learned this it began to rain...

I hope that after reading this post, that you can apply this lesson to every part of your life. I promise that if you do, you will make more money, have more free time, and everyone will appreciate you more.

So Whats he Big Deal? I say "no" all the time...
Think Again! I doubt you do when it really matters..

Our society is so ingrained to please people. I am the worst. I'm a sales guy. My whole life I have spent trying to make sure everyone is happy. In fact, I think I may have been born a sales guy. As far back as I can remember I was selling my parents on what each other did or didn't do to keep them from fighting. This was far before I had any idea what I was doing. They got divorced. I lost that one. Well, I guess I won that one too, it depends on your point of view.

So what's the big deal about this "no" thing? You are probably thinking, "I say no to my kids all the time.", "I always pass on the 4th Big Mac", "I say no to the Jehovah's Witness people when the come by"... So what could I be missing?

If you are like me, you probably keep making one monumental mistake after another and you don't even know it. It's not other people you need to work on telling "no" to. Wake up and look in the mirror smarty, you are the one that needs to be told "no".

Guilty! Where you probably are wrong:

Ask yourself: Will I do this?
Your answer: Yes
Do you do it: No
If you would have done it, would your life have been better? Yes
So why didn't you do it? You asked yourself one thing and heard another?
What did you hear? You heard, "can I do this, not will I do this"
Result: You are a liar, unreliable, and untrustworthy.

I didn't really learn this lesson until I had my first sales rep job with Lehman Brothers. I was an account rep for over 1200 mortgage brokers who all wanted to close their loans. And of course everyone needed to close their 300 loans on the last day of the month when I had capacity for 30.

Illustration: Have you ever taken a sucker away from a little kid? Yeah, he cries... Ever tell a mortgage broker his deal is going out in docs today? Yeah, he cries too... But just like the little kid, they forget quickly. Do you know why? Compared to the competition you look like a superhero when they say, "Maybe" to avoid the temper tantrum and should have said "No". That "Yes" (Maybe is Yes people) just triggered a chain of events that has 2 adults, 2 kids, and a dog, sleeping in a Minivan for the weekend. It also has a realtor, title company, and loan officer, now looking like idiots and your cell phone just became your worst nightmare.

Solution: Answer the call. Don't put it off. Just say, "No".

I finally figured this out when my Best Western bill was more than my paycheck (I felt guilty about the minivan so I sprung for a hotel). Back to what I said earlier, the day it began to rain was when I learned to tell myself "No". It was a day I began to take inventory of my feelings, why I did things, and what made me both happier and more productive.

Note to self. I know the following:

• A clean house makes me feel better.
  
• It makes me more productive.
  
• I also know that I won't pick up my clothes off the floor.
  
• I won't get the mail.
  
• I won't grocery shop.
  
• I won't answer a call that I don't know the number.
  
• I won't check my voicemail.
  
• I don't pay attention to detail.
  
• I absolutely hate firing people.

What I did. The day my paycheck doubled.

Getting a little more mature and honest about the things that made me happy, I began to realize one thing. I kept planning on getting things done, but I never did. So one day I woke up and I had a great heart to heart with myself and just admitted it. There was no way I was going to do anything I didn't like to do.

So, when I was 25 I hired a full time personal assistant. I had so many friends that made fun of me. I was called spoiled, arrogant, lazy, wasteful, you name it. On the contrarty, I thought it was great! She did everything. Everyday she made my bed, picked up my clothes, did my laundry, checked my voicemail 3 times a day, returned the calls, managed my calendar, and made damn sure my fridge was plum full of Diet Coke. Finally, I was happy with myself. I had finally stopped lying to my favorite person (ME)!

The Result: A revolutionary concept.

Fortunately, I was in a job where the harder I worked or more productive I was, I made more money. Not all of us have this type of risk/reward in their jobs, but all of us have this type of risk/reward one way or another in our lives. I stopped listening to society and the norm. I did what made me happy. I was finally honest about not what I could do, but what I would do.

I am addicted to the rush of the deal. So by no longer focusing on laundry, not eating fast food, not wasting time in the grocery store, having someone tell me where/when to be, and someone to check and return all of my voicemails, my production doubled and so did my paycheck. Times were good and where I grew up I was taught to make hay when the sunshines. My $3500 a month investment in an assistant was making me over $38,000 a month.

So ask yourself the question: What am I lying to myself about on a daily basis that would pay the type of return I show in the investment above? Do something about it! I use an example above because monetary returns are easily measured, but happiness is treasured. Yes, people may call you spoiled, arrogant, lazy, or wasteful. I dare someone toss the jelousy and be mature enough to call you genius...

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The Customer is Always Right...

by Nathan Reis

"The customer is always right? Screw that! Whoever said that obviously has not talked to a customer before...." - Nathan J Reis 2006

The customer is always right. I speak about this topic in front of businesses all the time. My book is going to be written on this topic. This is honestly my favorite lesson learned not just in business, but in life. Once I figured out what that statement really meant, I realized I had figured out the key to business, friendship, and relationships. This topic alone, if really understood, will set you apart from 99.9% of the population and make you a master of manipulation.

The Definition: A Customer is someone you still want something from.
The Truth: The customer is always right.

Huh? Really? We have all heard it before. The customer is always right. Honestly if you have ever had a job as a waitress, bartender, cab driver, customer service, sales, executive, or doctor, you can undoubtedly agree with me when I say that customers are not right. Just last week I was again reinforced this truth when a customer escalated an absolutely ludicrous complaint to my desk. This furious customer said, "Your sales rep promised me that all of this was free, that you were going to send me a check for $5000, the product would babysit my kids, take care of my wife, and make my hair grow back...."

The Question: Was he right?
The Answer: Yes....
The Riddle: What was he right about?

The Story: To better explain this, I need you to visualize my last relationship. Four years ago I was completely in love. I was head over heels, blinded by passion, and completely crazy. For blog purposes, we'll call the lucky lady "Misty".

Valentines Day was rapidly approaching. I was so excited about my relationship with Misty that I started planning 3 weeks early for an amazing, unforgettable, experience of a lifetime! To truly make this date a success I knew that two things had to happen: 1. She had to be totally surprised. 2. Her friends needed to know all about it (so they could oooohh and awe in jealousy).

Ok, so its two weeks before Valentine's and I get one of Misty's friends phone numbers. I needed her to aid in the plan and make sure things went smooth. She was so excited to help. So the planning began. For the next two weeks I began sneaking around to get things just right. It was going to be perfect. I was going to be Mr. Big from Sex in the City! I planned a limo, helicopter ride, fancy dinner, and a diamond studded watch to be brought out by the waiter for desert! It was perfectly planned, thoughtful, and expensive!

Being a man, I didn't notice that I was acting weird for two weeks...guess what, Misty did. She saw her friend getting a little extra excited each time my name came up. I later found out that she actually saw her friend and I exchange numbers the week before. So like most guys, I was completely clueless. I finalized all the details with Misty's friend and I planned a little prelude to the big surprise the day before with Misty. Misty came to my house a bit early for the movie, so she waited while I jumped in the shower. With perfect timing, my phone, which was on the counter, a text came across from Misty's Friend. It was in response to the watch I bought Misty. The text message said, "Nathan, you are the most amazing guy I have ever met..." Misty reads this (I don't know this at the time) and is heartbroken. Shes heartbroken and I'm clueless. I come out of the shower, noticed she looked a little off, and asked her if something is wrong. She said, "No, Why...?".

We make it through the night and I begin to gear up for my big date. I race to Nieman Marcus to pick up her shiny new gift. On the way out I'm so excited I stop by the Nordstrom's Perfume counter to pick her up some new perfume too.. Of course I'm excited, so I have to tell all the ladies in the department about my plans. They love me too! I leave with a hug from the nice lady who helped me with the perfume not noticing that I got a huge smudge of lipstick on my shoulder (I'm 6'6" tall). I whisk out of the store and pick up the most gorgeous bouquet of long stem roses. I then race over to Misty's place, smelling like.... yep, women's perfume. I have a big smudge of lipstick on my shirt, and I'm carrying a huge bouquet of flowers. To the naked eye, I'm looking like the worlds biggest scumbag and as guilty as humanly possible.

I knock on the door, had her the flowers, and I got the reaction of a lifetime. She burst into tears, threw the flowers in my face, and said "I can't believe you did this to me. I can't believe you are sleeping with my best friend..."

Being the mature individual that I was at the age of 26. I looked her right in the eyes, my jaw dropped, I took a deep breath, and said, "You ungrateful bitch........ I can't believe you! I did who? I said what? Do you have any idea what I have been doing for you... This is a joke..." I then proceeded to make her apologize until I saw it in her eyes. Victorious, I then stuck my chest out, looked in the mirror, and thought, "Damn' it, I won that conversation! How dare she think I was sleeping with her friend."

I was right. She was wrong. So why didn't it feel like it? After that day, things were never the same again. I ended up losing Misty.

The Quiz:
1. Who was right? Me or Misty?
Wrong Answer - Me
Wrong Answer - Both of us.

2. What is the definition of a customer?
Answer - See above

3. Do I still want something from Misty?
Answer - Your damn right I do!!! My inner caveman even bought flowers at an attempt to get what I wanted.


4. So back to question number 1. Who was right?
Correct Answer - Misty

5. Real Question. What was she right about?
Answer - She was right, not about what she said, but about the way she felt. It doesn't matter what happened or what she was saying. She was telling me that I was the one that made her feel this way. I was the person that caused her this pain.

6. Am I really talking about my ex-girlfriend? Or am I talking about that pissed off customer that cost me over 100k in 2005?
Answer - I'll let you figure that one out. The next time a customer gets on the phone and starts telling you that you slept with his husband/wife, apologize, don't argue, they will thank you for it.


The Lesson: If someone still has something you want, don't argue unless you have some kind of idea about what you are arguing about! Why, because if someone is talking about their feelings, you can't win. You see, the customer is always right! Has it come together yet? I hope so. The moment you don't want anything from them, they are no longer a customer. They are a waste of your precious time on this earth. This is the moment you stop listening, hang up the phone, and move on.

The Line: Here is the secret line that leads to customer service and sales nirvana. "I'm so sorry that I did that to you. I'm so embarrassed. Honestly, I am ashamed. I can't fix what I did, but this relationship means so much to me, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix this and to make you happy." - A Genius 2008

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Starting a Business? Don't make the same mistakes I did!

by Nathan Reis

If you have ever thought about starting a business, suck it up, swallow your pride, and learn from me! While starting my latest company Pardigm Direct, I have made more mistakes before the age of 30 than most people do in a business lifetime. Entrepreneurs like me call these things mistakes, others tend to call it wisdom.

You will hear me use the title "Entrepreneur" many times throughout my blog, becasue I fear very few people actually know what that term really means. I promise you it doesn't mean business owner, boss, or CEO. It means, "What in the hell was I thinking putting myself through all of this"... I am a serial entrepreneur, addicted to the excitement of just seeing if I can do it.

I learned early on that I have a very high curiosity and more importantly a risk tolerance for the unknown. I started my career at the age of 22 with a reckless renegade approach and it paid off. I could go out and sell, do, and say, whatever I wanted and I seemed to be invincible. I was in sales. This attitude took me straight to the top of the sales rankings and there was no looking back. I didn't make a lot of friends, but I sure made a lot of money. I made my first $1MM in 1 year by the time I was 25 years old and I just kept thinking, "Man, I don't know what the fuss is... This makin' money thing is easy."

Then the day came when I said to myself, "If I'm making $1MM a year, they (the company) must be making $5MM a year." This is the day I started learning again. The day the company wasn't there to feed to my strengths and build around my weaknesses. This was beginning of a series of mistakes that now make me infinitely wiser than when I was 25 and has formed me into a great entrepreneur. I promise, this education cost me far more than tuition did at the University of Wisconsin.

There are 4 major lessons I learned in "Entrepreneur School". Each of these topics will have an entire blog dedicated to them, but the here are topics I hope you can soak up before diving in the deep end. 1. I'm no longer a sales guy. 2. Plan to lose and act bankrupt. 3. Slow down. 4. Technology is better than people.

Oh yeah, and there should be a rule that everyone who has ever had a job, thought about starting a company, or even ever had a dream, should be required to read and re-read the E-Myth Revisited. For all of you who have heard about that book before and not read it, the "E" doesn't stand for ecommerce, it represents the entrepreneur. It is a fantastic insight about what it really takes to be a successful entrepreneur. If truly digested, after this read, you may look at your boss in a little diffrent light. In fact I'd be surprised if you didn't form a little admiration for that guy you hate so bad!